Ned - A story of social anxiety

Ned has social anxiety. Most people don't understand what that means beyond having difficulty with crowds. Below is the story of one of his many attempts at going shopping. It will not give you a total picture of Social Anxiety but it might help you understand just a little.

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I'd been debating for days with myself about doing this. I even went so far as to eat just a can of green beans for supper because I had been trying not to go as long as possible. Finally today was the day. I had to go.

I walked through the door into the entry way and chose my cart. I rolled it through the sliding door and as I did the door made a loud "SWISH". I just cringed.

A girl turned around to see who had come in and I knew she was laughing at me inside, but she didn't flinch and turned back to her own shopping.

As I began to push the cart once more I realized my error in choosing it. One of the wheels squeaked so loudly it sounded like I was killing a cat with every step. Another of them wobbled in such a way that it made a loud thud with every other step. So my cart was doing this squeak squeak THUD that was making my blood pressure rise with each passing moment.

It seemed like all at once everyone in the store looked at me to see what all the commotion was. Men sizing me up and making themselves feel better by comparison. Woman snickering and whispering to each other. I could only imagine what they were saying.

My heart pounded so that I though it might pound right out of my chest as I continued to make my way to the first isle. Beads of sweat trickled down my face as I tried to breath.

A child giggled behind me and I froze.

Leaving the cart right where it was, I turned and walked toward the door. I could feel all their eyes on me. I knew they were satisfied that I was leaving their airspace. My pace quickened.

"SWISH" went the door and I rushed through it into the cool, dark, evening.  Still I could feel people staring. I could hear them talking about me. I had to get away.

Finally I got to my car. Quickly I was inside it with key in ignition. I took a breath and started the car. Away! I needed to get away!

And away I went. Finally arriving home and into the safety of my quiet house. Alone with my shades all drawn so nobody could see. Even still I could feel those eyes. I could feel the judgement.

Then I realized that still I had no food and I'd have to try again tomorrow. I felt my heart skip and begin to thump, beads of sweat forming on my brow. Just the thought was almost more than I could stand. Maybe I could find a few more cans of green beans.