Dreaming....

So in an effort to cure my yearning to write with seemingly no inspiration I searched for a site with writing prompts. The first one that caught my eye was "I wish I had a million.... because then I could...." and it made me think about a little girl sitting on her bedroom floor dreaming of the day that she would be rich, making her lists.

I remember as a child dreaming of being rich. I'm sure a lot of kids do but for me it was almost an obsession. I would imagine I won 10 million dollars and then begin to make lists of what I would do with that money.

I don't remember those lists exactly but I know they started with who I would give money to, never what I myself would buy with it. And though I do not remember those lists as they used to be I think it is time to look at what I'd do now.

I've changed from the girl I was then. I am supposed to be wiser. I am supposed to realize things now that I didn't in that childhood innocence. In that innocence I believed that I did not matter but so many others in my life did. I believed I was happy enough and had enough and I always would but so many that I knew weren't and didn't. I wanted that for them. I wanted them not to have to stress and worry anymore. I wanted them to enjoy their lives.

I still want that but I'm not as naive as I used to be. I know now that I matter as well. I know know that life is not always kind and there is not always enough. So lets see what I'd do now as compared to then with as much honesty as I can muster.

If I had 10 million dollars I would do this:

1. Pay for my husband to have the surgery he needs
2. Buy a nicer camper and new computers
3. Pay my friend's back taxes that are making him struggle
4. Give Jim $500,000 so that he could not have so much stress in his life
5. Give my mother $1 million dollars so she could enjoy the rest of her life
6. Give my best friend Ruth $1 million dollars to set up her life
7. Give my husband's best friend Adam and his wife $1 million dollars
8. Give both my sons $1 million dollars
9. Put $1 million dollars in a 10 year CD or some other such creation to save for any future needs that will inevitably arise.
10. Split $1 million dollars between 3 prepaid debit cards - 1 for bills, 1 for food, and 1 for clothing, emergencies, unexpected needs, and a little fun over the next several years (being many years)
11. Put $500,000 in a savings account set up just for medical needs
12. Search the internet for people in need who don't know where else to turn and send donation money to as many as I can with $500,000
13. If anything is left put it into a savings account meant just for those moments of need for us or someone else.

So I have changed a lot over time. My old lists had far less for me and even giving to my sons and husband is for me because it gives me a sense of peace. I'm not so naive anymore to believe that life will simply provide or that things will just be ok. I know now that taking care of those little life needs that everyone has is important but I also know that my friends are important, my family is important, and they stand by me while I have nothing, so someday if I ever managed to have more than enough I'd want that for them as well.

Something I didn't add to the list is this. The thing I'd like to do the most of anything is this. I'd love to just go out and find some random person. Some person who is struggling to stay afloat. Some person who is hanging on to hope with just what's left of their fingernails. I'd like to find that person and anonymously give them $100,000 for no reason other than to give someone a thread of hope and a reminder that miracles still happen. For no other reason than to change someone's life who deserves a change. And that in and of itself would give me the greatest joy.