I Have Paper Towels

"We really are doing just fine. I mean years ago I would have loved to have paper towels but to us they were a luxury that we couldn't afford. Now I can just reach up and grab one when I need it."

The statement above was said by my husband shortly after a very LONG talk about our financial situation. We are having a tough month. We overspent and got ourselves into a pickle and then the truck broke down. We know that this struggle is something WE created but that makes it no less painful.

After saying what he said above he laughed and said "You know if a rich person heard me say that we're alright because we have paper towels, they'd think I was nuts."

It got me thinking. What little things are important to different people. For John it's paper towels. We never used to be able to afford this little extra and the fact that we always have them now keeps him feeling like we are doing ok.

Usually I'm more wrapped up in the whole picture. I never thought about paper towels in this way before. He's right though, we never used to have paper towels except on rare occasions. I'd buy them for major cleaning days or as a special thing. Now we always have paper towels and I never really think twice about it.

After today I'll not see them in the same way again. Now I'll look up and see that roll of wonderful white hanging proudly in my kitchen and think "ah, there they are, and we're doing just fine".

So the next time things go sideways on you, stop and think. What little thing do you still have that lets you know you are still ok? Or what little thing do you need to help you feel like things are going to be ok?

For now, "we're doing just fine because we have paper towels".

They Call Me Naive

They call me naive.

Because I work hard,

Even when the pay is small,

But I think that's integrity.

I'll Never Be

She sat staring out the window of her little one bedroom apartment, watching the happy people in the park across the street. She smiled as she watched a couple, holding hands, walking down the sidewalk, laughing. The smile dissipated and her face turned somber as a voice in her mind said “I’ll never be that happy”.

Somberly she arose to go make some tea. On her way past the television she, by force of habit, switched it on, not bothering to look at the channel. Again, she smiled thinking the background noise would drown out that whisper that was rising in her mind to torture her.

I've Found Home

Ever since I was little, anytime I watched one of those shows with little houses all sitting close together where neighbors had barbecues and talked over the fences, where neighbors really helped one another and looked out for each other, where community was really that, I’ve always dreamed of finding that place that felt like that to me.

When I grew up, I realized life wasn’t really like that and even though I often tried to make my life fit that picture it never quite worked.

Over Dramatic Response Syndrome

ODR = Over Dramatic Response and if you pronounce it, it sounds like ODOR which stinks.

ODR is common with almost everyone. We’ve almost all have moments of ODR. And moments of Over Dramatic Response are quite normal. If one then recognizes that they’ve had an Over Dramatic Response it can serve as a learning moment so the next time they can have a less dramatic response.

Beneath - a Poem

Beneath

I live beneath.

Beneath the sky,
Beneath the stars,
In the underbelly of society.
Beneath your expectations.

It's Not Your Fault

Being disabled since I was 27 years old, I have come to accept the daily pain. I have come to expect the daily pain. I am excited and relieved on the rare occasions when I wake and I don’t have a headache, backache, stomach ache or some other issue that reminds me that I am not the girl I used to be.

It took a long LONG time for me to accept that I couldn’t do all the things I used to do. It took a long time for me to adjust to a new lifestyle. 

I Carry a Flashlight

There isn’t always a rainbow in the storm but you can always close your eyes and see one in your mind to create a smile. There isn’t always a silver lining but you can always sew one in. Life doesn’t always smell like a bed of roses, unless of course you plant one right outside your door.

Sometimes life doesn’t feel like those wonderful cliches that are supposed to make us feel better. There isn’t some wonderful light at the end of the tunnel but I carry a flashlight, because I refuse to let the dark overtake me.

Even Though