Living in Pain

It's such a pain to live in pain. How do I explain to those who do not live with it every day of their lives? How do I begin to help you understand?

I have a friend who recently got hit with some very severe pain and she is lucky. She is having surgery that should fix it or at least fix it more than it is right now. There is no operation that will fix me.

Most days I can't walk far, meaning to my bathroom is about it. Most days I am in pain no matter what I do. Even when I sleep, I wake often to shift positions because of intense pain so it's not restful.

I am having trouble eating because my jaw is popping so much and my stomach is having serious issues with digestion.

My head hurts constantly. It's like a migraine that never really goes away and often it's worse than any migraine I'd ever had before the recent past.

I can't even do all my own shopping. I have to have a riding cart and someone to get stuff from the shelves. For God's sake I'm only 41. But it's impossible to explain.

And worse than the pain are the people. Well meaning folks who want to understand and help but get frustrated when what they are telling me doesn't work for me. Doctors who have no idea why I'm suffering so much. People who just think I'm crazy or making it up. People who think it can't possibly be 'that' bad and think I'm over-reacting. People who do not understand why I can't do all the things they think I should be doing.

I know many people with my illnesses struggle even with their own spouses, children and close family for some spec of understanding. I thank God I have my husband. He too suffers in pain but not as much as I and he takes good care of me. I thank God for my son who helps me with everything and makes sure it gets done when I cannot. I don't know what I'd do if they didn't really 'get it'.

Some days I honestly can't help but wonder why anyone should have to live in such pain and agongy. I wonder why my life has to be so extremely exhausting. Then the day passes into another and another. A moment of peace passes so quickly that it's often gone before I've had a chance to truly appreciate it.

There are many invisible illnesses and those of us with them often make them more invisible because we don't want to sound like we are complainers. We often pretend that we are better than we actually are until it is so bad that there is no hiding it. We adjust over time to a new level of normal pain and just as we adjust the disease decides to make it worse. And for us there is no relief, there is no cure, there is no magic thing that will fix us. We can take medicines to alleviate it a bit, we can do activities and things that help for a while but in the end we just have to learn to live with it.

If you know someone with one of these invisible illnesses remember this. The next time they are showing signs of pain it's much worse than you think it is because they do not want you to see.