Emerging From Chaos

Do you think that we ourselves have trouble forgiving our past mistakes and find difficulty overcoming those mistakes because we feel that other people continue to judge us based on them or hold them against us? Have you made past mistakes that you have overcome? Do you think you are a different person today than say 10 years ago?

Often times I think that people forget that it is natural to make mistakes. Big mistakes and small mistakes and everything in between are a part of life. They are a part of growing and becoming.
People see what someone did at any point in time and believe that is who they are forever, but does that mean that we ourselves have to hold onto that same belief? Do our mistakes, our misjudgments  our difficulties have to permanently define who we are? Or should we see these things as growing pains and learn from them but move forward?

I have a friend who was once heavily into drugs. She didn't just smoke the occasional marijuana joint but did serious heavy drugs. She snorted pills, shot up, and basically did anything to keep her 'high' going. There came a time when I had to step away from her because what she was doing began to affect me and cause me pain and sorrow. This was many years ago.

Today this same friend is back in my life. She is on track. She doesn't do any of these things she used to. She is fun to talk to and always has an opinion to share that makes me think. I enjoy her perspective on things so much. She is not the same person she was when I had to step away, but others don't want to or try to see that.

It's sad that the people around her still whisper about her past and hold it against her. They smile to her face and then coral their children away from her like she is a leper or something. They treat her as if none of the work she has done on herself matters because the only thing they can see is who she was at a very dark time in her life.

And yet, she continues forward. She doesn't let their words or judgment affect who she is now. She keeps trying and someday she hopes that she'll have created new memories for these people to see. She hopes that over time the past will fade and who she is now will be what is in their mind's eyes.

I remember a time when I thought that every one of my missteps  mistakes, or misjudgments would follow me forever. Every embarrassing moment just added to my self loathing and downward spiral. I felt everyone remembered every single moment of my discomfort and whispered about it behind my back. And probably some did. I KNOW that some used very inane little issues to keep me at a distance.

Today though I am a different person. It took a lot of years and one big leap of faith to get here but I know who I am and I like who I am. I have let go of past mistakes and judge myself for who I am today. I don't hang on to every misstep that I make because we ALL make them and they are just a step along a very long journey.

Am I different than who I was 10 years ago? Heck yes! I'm different than who I was 10 months ago. I pride myself on continual growth and change. I believe in cherishing my experiences or at least learning from them. I am always looking for the hidden lesson in every situation and generally I can find one or more.

I don't think we have to become stuck in who we think we are or who the world thinks we are. We can step past it. We can step out of it and into something new. It may take time for others to see it but we ourselves can make the choice for change and decide who we are in any given moment.